he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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