if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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