she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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