We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
