Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think I am morally bankrupt
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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