my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
love makes seman taste better
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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