you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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