if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
