This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
