What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
