Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
