i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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