just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
