I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
wakey wakey hands off snakey
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
