I have demons in me.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
