He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
