You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
