i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
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In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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