i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
