can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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