this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
