Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program