Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out