I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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its liver damage thursday
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