He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.