listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.