Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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