We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
