He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
