I must be too annoying 4 u.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
