Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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