I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
