she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
