he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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