i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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