what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
