nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
