The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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