just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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