It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
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