Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
operation harelip BJ is a go
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
