I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
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what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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