ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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