I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
