do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
