I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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