I skipped work to stalk him.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
