We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
