Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
