dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
