Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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