she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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