Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
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I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
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I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize