So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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