I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
