you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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