Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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