In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
