i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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