Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
