so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
