My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
nutella sex= disaster
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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