I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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