I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize