Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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