all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
