Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
