Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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