If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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