I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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