whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i drank out of a bidet.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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