Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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