I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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