Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
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Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
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I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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